I've got lots of new photos to share!

First I will tell you the story of the pumpkin. We went to the Corn Maze a few weeks ago (the one mentioned below...the one where I forgot to take my camera!! Grrr) and bought a pumpkin.

We finally got around to carving it tonight. Ben had been really looking forward to it and was so proud of it when we finished. He took it out to the porch and then came in with me to get a candle and some matches. When we went back out, Natalie was standing on the porch and the pumpkin was laying, in pieces, on the ground.

She admitted to pushing it off on purpose but I can't understand what she is trying to tell me as to WHY she pushed it off. I don't think she realized what the consequences would be (a smashed pumpkin) but I was still pretty upset and Ben was devastated. She went and sat on the bed and cried while Ben and I tried to put the pieces back together. After a while she came out, and on her own, told me "I am so sorry mama". It made Ben feel better that she apologized (and that he was getting my pity and attention!). We decided that we will get another pumpkin to carve and that the next time she won't push him to his death off the side of the porch!

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
Mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
Mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can
Disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
Even when it is not pretty
every day.

And if you can source your own life
From its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
Yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up
After the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.


By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Zoe is two months old!

I can't believe that month two is already here! Zoe has ballooned up just like her brother and sister did. She is a whopping 13 pounds. She loves to be talked to and will reward you with a coo and a big smile.

Zoe is a month old!

It is hard to belive that she has already been here for a month! Here are some new photos of her, Princess Natalie and Ben. :)

Ben's very first "all by himself" diaper change! Yes, it is a disposable diaper. I haven't found a cloth system that works at night so we are doing cloth during the day and sposies at night...for now. If anyone knows a good night time diapering system I would love to hear about it! :)

Things are going well with our new family. Zoe will be a month old in four days!

I am actually a bit paranoid...kind of waiting for the bottom to fall out from under us. I have always heard that going from one child to two is life altering but any kids after the second one the baby just kind of fits into your life. So far that has been true for us.

I remember that after Natalie was born I had to rely heavily on my mom (thank goodness for her). So she and I planned in advance for this one. We purchased convenience foods and easy breakfast foods (neither of which we usually have in our home) in anticipation of me sending the kids up to eat with her every morning. I tried to prepare myself for the hormonal, emotional upheaval that was "sure" to come. We delayed starting our homeschooling although the public schools had already started.

But we have all done amazingly well. I am not saying this to brag...I don't really hold any of the credit...it is just something that has happened. I have been getting up at our regular time (around 6:30-7:00), cooking the kid's breakfast, doing school, etc. I also haven't experienced any of the emotional ups and downs that I expected. I've even managed to keep my house clean and to stay on top of the dishes - despite the lack of a dishwasher (until tax refund season!). So it's almost like things are going a little too well, hence the whole "waiting for the bottom to drop out" feeling.

The kids have been amazing with Zoe. Neither have really shown jealously. Natalie sometimes wants to lay on my arm when I am nursing Zoe and gets upset that I can't somehow manage to do both but for the most part they are very protective and loving in regards to her. They have both admonished me when I have had to use the bulb syringe to suction her nose so that she could breathe in order to nurse. I hate doing it but sometimes it is necessary...I don't think Ben and Natalie agree. Natalie has even gone as far as to put her hand over Zoe's nose and order me to stop!

As with when Natalie was a baby, I again have a low milk supply due to Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). We are having to supplement with formula but there is no way we are giving up nursing. Natalie nursed for 2 1/2 years and I hope that Zoe does for at least that long.

Zoe has been diagnosed as being tongue tied. This is leading to even more problems breastfeeding when combined with my already low supply. We are having a very hard time finding someone who is willing to do a frenetomy (clip the frendelum under her tongue so as to release her tongue and enable her to latch on properly). I'm not going to go into details because they are long and I will just end up getting pissed off all over again. Hopefully I have found someone who can help (at the recommendation of the lactation consultant at the center where she was born) and I will be calling them first thing Tuesday morning.

As for other important news in our family, my first baby turned seven years old on the 26th of August! I cannot believe that he has grown up so fast. He and I made a monster truck cake for his birthday. We also made a crown for the birthday boy to wear and will be storing it in a safe place so that everyone else in the family can wear it on their special day as well.

Zoe is here!

Introducing

Zoe Soleil Rain

Born August 4, 2008

Weighing 7lbs 15oz and 20" long